Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Our Nest

Selling a house is an emotional thing. I knew it would be, but didn't realize in what ways it would be.

I spend part of the time being fiercely defensive of our house. We live here and have for five years. We brought Bub and Little Bit home from the hospital to this house. We've made many happy memories here, hosted gatherings, welcomed friends and family, stayed warm and dry and cozy on five years worth of nights. It's a cute house with a nice yard and a beautiful shady tree. And our house is in a fantastic location, NTB.

But then each time someone looks at our house and does not want to buy it, a little part of me feels like they are not just rejecting our house, but our life and our family. I know that makes no sense at all, but that's how it feels a little bit. What's wrong with my life? Why don't you want my life?

I spend other blocks of time seeing only the things "wrong" with our house, noticing spots where the floorboards are worn or the paint is chipped, kicking myself because we never bothered to install any f***ing granite countertops, and worrying that no one will ever ever want to live here because, you know, we don't have heated floors or a big tub with jets.

So then each time someone looks at our house and does not want to buy it, a little part of me thinks, "Why did you and hubby buy it, MEP?"

Because we loved it and still do, even though our family is on the verge of outgrowing this space.

I'm trying to stay calm and positive, to stay on top of the cleaning (it is nice to be living in a clean house), and to stay focused on what really matters.

What really matters is the family living under this roof. In my heart I know that we will be fine and happy and good whether we are still under this roof next year or under a brand new one. It bothers me that I don't know for sure what will happen and in what time frame, but I am trying to focus on the home we create, not the house we buy or sell.

I know it's a sappy thing to do, but I bought the pillow featured in the photograph above and resting on the chair where I plan to nurse Sweet P in the middle of the night to remind myself that our life and our nest--complete with its three precious eggs--is wherever we are together.


dusty earth mother said...

Oh, Mep, that was so sad. And so happy and uplifting too. I understand, because I love our house so much, but it's literally falling down around our ears. If we tried to sell it, EVERYONE would reject us!

I'm glad you have those wonderful memories and wherever you go, you take your 'home' with you.

LAP said...

OH, what a sweet idea with the pillow. It's a great house and someone will want it. Bub will be able to tell Little Bit and Sweet P about their great first house someday:)

Stacia said...

I think you're exactly right: To you, it's not a house. It's home. And that's something so very, very personal, like that beautiful pillow and the experiences you'll have with Sweet P.

Heather said...

NOW I can comment...

My heart goes out to you. I remember going through these same emotions when we sold our first house; I was highly offended when someone didn't like the landscaping or the colors of our walls (I must admit to having a Winnie the Pooh bathroom for the kids; not exactly what a retired couple is looking for, I guess).

The right family will come along for your house, I just know it.

Anonymous said...

I think the perfect family is still searching for your perfect house for them to make home. The Universe is so much smarter than we are knowing exactly the right time for the stars to align for the sale to happen. I admire your ability to know that until the right family makes the offer, you are secure in your beautiful home which I love! It is hard not to take criticism personally. I guess it part of defending and protecting what we love. m Peace

Mrs.Mayhem said...

The last line is so true - what matters are those precious eggs. Maybe it is nothing against your house that the right buyers haven't come along. The real estate market in our area is still a mess. Good luck with selling.

east coast bro said...

Just spend time thinking about the great new house you and hubby will soon be buying. Someone will love Lakewood, just give it a minute

Actchy said...

Tears here.

I totally get it.

Your home is super-terrific, too. Screw these morons who don't snatch it up first chance.

CaraBee said...

Those very insecurities are why we moved out of the last house before we sold it and I wish we could do the same with this one when the time comes.

I think it is hard not to take it personally when people come through your home. After five years, it's YOURS. Your touch is evident in every room. But remember that not everyone is looking at it through the same eyes. They have different needs and backgrounds.

We're coming into prime house buying season. Very soon someone will come through and will fall in love with it just as you did.

PITA said...

love the pillow and love the sentiment. someone will fall in love with your house just like you guys did very soon.

cake said...

i remember when carl and i were looking for our first place just to rent together, we kept finding places that bragged about the newly installed granite countertops, and stainless steel appliances. we didn't want those things. we wanted a comfy place we could afford. those particular details were just jacking up the price. i grew to loathe those two particular features (no offense to those who have them!).

great post, MEP. really touching. it has got to be a real struggle, emotionally, especially since you're expecting! hang in there.

melissa said...

I was just catching up on old posts and happened on this one. It is sad to leave all those memories behind for sure, but you will find a couple looking to start a family to buy your house. Someone great who gets it! Plus your new house will be awesome. Maybe as you look at other people's houses you can leave them little notes and tell them how great their house is so they won't feel the same. Pass on the love!

and just remember, it will get better because a lot of what you are feeling is exagerated by hormones :) yay...enjoy the clean house. it is nice isn't it?

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