Not sure what I learned about Toronto

I was out of the country this week, NTB. Passport required and everything. OK, well, I just went to Canada. My husband had a convention to go to in Toronto so I tagged along. I’ve never been there so this seemed a good opportunity to see the largest city in Canada and squeeze in a side trip to Niagara Falls. We went with my husband’s coworker and the coworker’s wife (aka my husband’s uncle and aunt). They are extremely organized people which meant that they took care of every little detail for the trip. My preparations involved organizing everything on the homefront since we’d be leaving the girls with their grandparents for a few days, but I researched nothing about the hotels, restaurants, shopping, or the city itself. So, once in Toronto, I wasn’t really sure what sort of culture I should be soaking up. In need of some entertainment while the boys were at the convention, my husband’s aunt and I decided to be hard core tourists and take a double-decker trolley ride to get an initial feel for the city and then decide where to go from there.

Other than a woman visiting from Memphis, it seemed we were the only ones interested in learning about the city through this means. It was an intimate tour of three so the guide just sat by us, rattling off “facts” as we drove around town. I’m the sort of person who doesn’t enjoy lengthy explanations, but I do enjoy hearing little tidbits that I can commit to memory. The problem I had with this tour is that I found myself questioning most of the information coming out of the guide’s mouth. The University of Toronto has about 60 thousand students. Ok, sounds about right. That snooty bar down there is owned by Corey Mandell, Howie’s brother. OK, the type of factoid an US Weekly subscriber enjoys…no reason to question it. The CN Tower is one of the seven modern wonders of the world. Yep, heard that on my tour of the CN Tower yesterday. No problem with any of those items. However, here is a sampling of the tidbits I had a harder time swallowing:

1. The library on the University of Toronto campus is sinking because the architects did not consider the weight of the books when building the library. Hmmm, I always thought of architects as pretty sharp people. I know books are heavy (those who have moved my sister and her own personal library of books will vouch for this), but so heavy that they are really causing this peacock-shaped library to sink? Then, the guide adds that an alternative plan being considered is to simply eliminate all books from the library and make it a digital library. That sounds more like a database than a library. Seems extreme and not like something that would sit well with reading purists. Anyway, a quick trip to snopes.com quickly confirmed that this is incorrect information he was spewing. Great to know that the tour guides are keeping urban legends alive.
2. Canadians make great beer, but it doesn’t always taste as good as it should because Canadians aren’t good at keeping the pipes the beer flows through clean, nor do they properly wash out the glasses so that all the soap residue is off of them. There is one bar in the Distillery District that knows how to do those things so I go there once or twice a year, even though it’s a cheesy bar, just to get a great tasting beer. Just one bar in the city knows how to rinse the soap out of the glasses, huh? Amazing that your taste buds were able to track it down.
3. The Royal Bank Plaza to your left has 24 carat gold in the windows. The only problem is, gold reflects light and therefore the neighboring buildings have complained that it’s driving up their A/C bills in the summer. There’s a lawsuit in the works. OK, so I was skeptical about the 24 carat gold part, but apparently that is true. Couldn’t find out anything about a lawsuit for the reflection though . . .
4. This street over here is where all the prostitutes hung out until about 10 years ago when it became a Yellow Pages business. There would be limos lined up on the street whenever diplomats were in town. Not even sure where to go with this one.
5. The Toronto Maple Leafs are a legendary hockey team. Quite possibly the best ever. Blah blah blah. We love hockey. We’re better than the Montreal Canadians. We haven’t been great lately, but we’re like the Red Sox of hockey, only before the Sox won a couple years ago. I get it. You love hockey. However, it sounds like you had a good run in the 1960’s, but I wasn’t even born when you won your last Stanley Cup in 1967, so please don’t make me listen to anymore.

So, I have now been to Toronto. Thanks to my questionable tour leader, I’m not sure what to make of the place. Actually, he didn’t even say “eh” so maybe he wasn’t even Canadian.