What now?

Today I submitted the final copies of my dissertation. NTB. I finished the "thinking work" a few months ago and the margin and font and page number and "thank God my hubby had a second major in computer applications" formatting work back in February. In March, I filled out the necessary surveys for the school and government. I visited campus to drop off and another day to pick up the forms I needed signed. I visited the post office to send those same forms for additional signatures and breathed a sigh of relief when they arrived back in my mailbox. I ordered bound copies of my project. I wrote a check to apply for a copyright. I asked my husband to print out two more copies of the darn thing. I drove downtown after lunch today, and he passed the last of these through the car window so I could drive to campus and drop the whole thing off to a friendly, sweet, young blond woman who confirmed that I had everything I needed.

When I checked my email a couple of hours later, I had received official word that my final copy submission was accepted. NTB.

Then, I sent an email asking a question about the commencement ceremony. I found a ribbon and a ruler and measured my head. I placed an order to rent the fancy outfit for the ceremony.

And then, I thought, "What now?"

And then I remembered that I bought a book, recommended by my friend E... when she guest posted here on NTB, called What now? by Ann Patchett.* So I read it. And loved it.

I'm not exactly sure what my answer is to "What now?" The plan for now is to try to teach a class or two in the Fall and go from there. I know I like to read, write, and learn about people's lives and stories.

Patchett's book reminded me to enjoy and appreciate this time, to remain open to possibility, and to just, well, pay attention. I am hoping that the answer to "What now?" will delight and surprise me.

Here's a passage from What now? that I will be reflecting on in the weeks and months to come:

"The secret is finding the balance between going out to get what you want and being open to the thing that actually winds up coming your way. What now is not just a panic-stricken question tossed out into a dark unknown. What now can also be our joy. It is a declaration of possibility, of promise, of chance. It acknowledges that our future is open . . . There's a time in our lives when we all crave the answers. It seems terrifying not to know what's coming next. But there is another time, a better time, when we see our lives as a series of choices . . . It's up to you to choose a life that will keep expanding."

What now? Good question. I'm going to try to enjoy figuring out the answer.





*Ann Patchett rocks. Bel Canto is one of the most beautiful novels I've read. I also recently listened to the audio version of Run. Patchett also wrote an kick-ass essay in The Wall Street Journal a few months ago about the triumph of reading these days.