April is the cruellest month.

April is the cruellest month.

Today is opening day at Wrigley Field and the weather is, as it was last year, rainy, cold, and miserable. On this day last year, I remember feeling practically toxic as I negotiated a Cubs traffic jam on the way to Bub's park district class. I felt pissed off and weighed down by the miserable weather. The only thing that made me feel better about things this time last year was my relief that I was not a Cubs fan who had been looking forward to the game. I will admit that I was in such a foul mood on this day last year that I felt annoyed by the fans and their willingness to go to a baseball game in crap weather and unreasonably resentful of the fact that so many of them drove to the game, causing mini traffic jams for me to contend with while they were at it.

I think I'm in a better place this year than I was last because in addition to feeling relieved that I was not going to the game, I actually felt sorry for the die hards I saw walking toward Wrigley with ponchos and umbrellas.

I'm not one to obsess about the weather. I don't watch the Weather Channel. Most days I don't even check the forecast. I don't spend an inordinate amount of time worrying that weather will foul up my plans (perhaps because I don't have that many "plans"). It's my thirty-fourth year of living in the Midwest, and I know that Spring does not magically appear on March 21st. Indeed, after eight years in Chicago, I know that there will likely be only glimpses of Spring--beautiful days here and there but nothing one can count on and build any more than a fragile sense of hope and optimism around--until all of sudden it will be June, hot and humid, and I'll be tempted to complain about how hot it is outside.

I love the Midwest and plan to live here always. I love how much one can appreciate beautiful weather, even for a day, after a LONG winter. I love seasons, even though spring seems to get skipped so often. My Midwestern heart suspects that if I were to ever move to a place with better, more consistent weather, even when hubby and I are retired, I will feel as if I am somehow "cheating."

But seriously, these cold and rainy spring days are so difficult. Even though I know I have much to be thankful for and much to be happy about, it is very difficult to make plans, count blessings, and look forward hopefully on days like today. I look outside and think, "Enough's enough."

I don't want this post to be a litany of complaints, though on this rainy Monday it is hard not to go there.

Instead, I will focus on a some of the things that are making me feel more hopeful and peaceful.

* Bub's commentary last night before bed, "The Easter bunny going to visit me and he say, 'Bub, you were a good boy on Easter,' and then he bring me more candy."

* Little Bit, though he is giving me fits with his sleeping and eating, learning to crawl for real now and being so stinking proud of himself -- also how he looks when he attacks a Gerber wagon wheel

* the fact that hubby is busy at work -- the boys and I miss him when he has a lot of work to do, but I am thankful that he loves his job and that it seems secure

* new (to me) song I heard on the awesome season of finale of Big Love that I purchased on itunes and have been listening to over and over: "I Found a Reason" by The Velvet Underground

* book I heard about because a character in another book referenced it and I forgot I had until this afternoon: The Enchanted April by Elizabeth Von Arnim -- I've only read a few pages so far but it features a woman who, on a crap February day, is tempted to book a holiday in Italy for April -- seems promising

* lovely visit with my in-laws this weekend and upcoming trip to the promised land (Ohio) this weekend for my niece's baptism

* thinking about Dwight and Andy singing John Denver on Thursday's The Office

* already knowing what we are having for dinner tonight

* text messages from my siblings and parents

* the fact that I mistakenly purchased Starburst jelly beans of the "tropical" variety instead of standard and that they are SO BAD, I will not be tempted to over-indulge and may just throw them out

* fountain Diet Coke from Burger King

Tell me, what things, big or small, are making you happy or hopeful on this April day, however "cruel" (or not) it is in your neck of the woods . . .