Sunday, February 1, 2009

Speak your truth, Mama

We've had a great weekend around here. Temperatures in the 30s and 40s, which felt like springtime. Our nephew being kind enough to eat pizza with us, play with the boys, and then stick around after we got them to bed so the hubby and I could go out for a few hours. A successful trip to church. Little Bit and I able to get outside and take a nice walk. Buffalo chicken tacos (for our at-home Superbowl "party"). Chocolate chip cookies. Lots of fun for the Bub -- soccer, playing in the snow, making cookies with mommy, puzzles with daddy, perfecting the art of standing up to pee, catching a few minutes of E.T. on television ("He a nice monster").

Truly, Bub was an angel this weekend.

But he was not so angelic on Friday morning. We had arranged to meet some friends at their house, hang out for a while and then head to a place in their neighborhood, a huge room full of toys for toddlers and babies. We were going to order some lunch to be delivered there. Nice little Friday morning is what I was thinking. As ever, Little Bit did his part. He slept on the way there and stayed asleep at our friends' house, only waking when we arrived at the play room.

Bub busied himself playing in the kitchen area of the play room right away. There were a lot of wooden toy appliances, and he had something going with the blender and some wooden eggs that had him quite engaged. But then, apparently a young boy dared to try to borrow an egg or the blender (not sure what occurred, not that it mattered as Bub's response was inappropriate regardless), and Bub responded by hitting him. I responded with issuing a warning and giving Bub a time-out on my lap.

Long story short because I do not want to re-live the rest in detail. Within twenty minutes, two more incidents of Bub hitting occur (new victim is the daughter of a friend of my friend/hostess for this outing).

Executive decision: MEP and Co. are leaving.

My friend watches Little Bit, and I began getting the Bub out of there.
Kicking, screaming, and crying.
Hitting me as I carry him to the entrance area.
Me struggling to get Bub's boots and hat on.
Hiding (Bub not me, though I would have loved to disappear) behind a display of Melissa and Doug puzzles for sale.
Chucking puzzles from said display on to the ground.
Screaming about how he does not want to leave.
Me feeling as if every person in the room must be thinking, "Wow, she is the worst mom I have ever seen."
Me feeling as if I am the worst mom I have ever seen.
I carry Bub to the car sans shoes and hat (still around 15 degrees at this time).
Intense struggle to get Bub secure in car seat as he continues to scream and cry.
Woman on street trying to communicate with me about the parking spot as the struggle is going on (I think she wanted to know was I leaving? could I wait until she moved her car?).
I respond to woman in shrill, crazed voice: "Sorry, I'm in the middle of a tantrum here."
I pull up to door of play place and my friend brings Little Bit out to the car.
We head home and all three passengers are crying. Little Bit is hungry. Bub wants to go to his friend's house (perhaps because he realizes now that going back to the play room is not an option). I'm feeling frustrated, ashamed, like a terrible mom, and also sorry that I will miss out on ordering lunch.

Bub calms down as we drive. Little Bit falls asleep. I pull myself together. We arrive home, and I begin making Bub's lunch. The rest of the day goes surprisingly well.

I'm obviously not writing this post to brag. I'm also not fishing for comments about myself or the Bub not being terrible. I know we're not. What I would like to hear though, and you don't need to be specific if you don't want to, is whether you've had a day or a morning anything like ours on Friday. Have you been there?* If you have, maybe you will take comfort in this post. If you have not, you can feel sorry for me and/or smug/satisfied with regard to your own parenting.



*KMV -- I know you really were there . . . thank you and I'm sorry!

11 comments:

CaraBee said...

We're not quite to the tantrum age yet, but I see flashes of it sometimes and believe you me, I'm worried. If she has even half of her mother's flair for the dramatic and her father's stubbornness, not to mention a quarter of her grandma's temper, then I am in deep doodoo. Deep.

I've been feeling a little off lately. I feel like all of my friends' kids are ahead of Sophie in some way or another. Talking, pottying, sleeping, eating, etc. I'm like, oh yeah, well my girl has a lot of teeth! All of this is to say that it actually IS comforting to know that even normally well behaved kids like Bub have their days.

Steph said...

I have - recently - and I don't even have the good excuse of a toddler! I was having my own tantrum. ;-)

E... said...

Oh yes. I've had this day more than once. I'm thinking of one particular incident in particular, and if you want the details, I'd be glad to share them with you in an email. Suffice it to say, I am so sorry to hear it also happened to you.
Oh, and BTW, O also saw a glimpse of ET this weekend (on a DVD box) and said "who's that turtle?"

Anonymous said...

BEEN THERE! It is never fun... but those who have children understand and those who don't won't until they do... glad to hear the rest of the weekend was better though!!

Anonymous said...

Yes this has happened to us and I have felt the exact same way. Is everyone looking? What are they thinking? Can it really be going to badly? WHY WHY WHY?? I have to say that those episodes have led to better behavior and so while painful in the moment the pay off is huge. It sounds like it hit home with Charlie and the rest of the weekend went well. Hope this week goes better. BDavin

msh said...

first off, sorry to be laughing out loud at such a post--but, i promise, someday soon you will laugh out loud about it too. the incident that comes to mind (out of the many) is the time that eli through a huge fit at our house because he did not want to share the ball banging toy with my visiting friend's daughter. like you (even 3 years later), i still don't like reliving this particular evening, but--long story short--eli ended up biting me. hard. and this particular friend and her husband who were over for dinner appeared never to have seen such behavior and really did nothing to make me feel like this was a normal evening in the life of a parent. so that really made the whole thing even more awful. after quite some time, they ended up leaving before little eli was anywhere near calmed down. oh, no fun at all. feels like yesterday.

Anonymous said...

We aren't to the tantrum phase yet either...but, I certainly sympathize with you.

My biggest struggle lately is putting on diapers. Our son wants to squirm and wiggle all over the place. Literally, it seems IMPOSSIBLE to get the diaper on. All he wants to do is turn over and grab every/anything within reach. Usually, it is just mildly annoying...but, when he has Desitin on and then it smears all over everything...it is about the most frustrating thing ever.

I know that must seem so small compared to a tantrum...but, that is all I have so far!! I also want to say that I feel like CaraBee sometimes about my son's progress. And, he has ZERO teeth. Every other child his age has a full set (not really, just seems like that). But, I don't even feel anything popping through. Uggh.

LAP said...

My clearest memory of an outing gone bad is last year when I tried meeting three former coworkers for lunch. One of them had a two year old with her but the other two friends had no kids at the time. Fancy was fresh off of potty training so we went to the restroom no less than three times. The one time I dared not take Swiper in, I could hear her screaming from the bathroom stall. She wouldnt stay in her highchair, Fancy wouldnt sit at the table. They acted like they'd never been out to lunch before. Keep in mind these are friends I only see about three times a year so this is all they have to go on for my children's behavior. I may not be describing the actual chaos very well, but we ended up leaving before the bill even came and I had to just mail a check to my friend. Didn't even get to enjoy my Max & Irmas soft pretzels.

Amy said...

We have had such a fit at The Children's Place (because she wanted a certain dress), at a friend's house (because she wasn't ready to leave) and at Grandma and Grandpa's (because she didn't want to sit and eat dinner)-so yes I am quite familiar with it. The worst was the grandparental unit one b/c there is nothing like "failure" in front of your parents. Thankfully, my dad made it easier by saying "she screams like you used too" meaning we were there once too with you. Thankfully she is now a little older and I can seem to negotiate away from some of the tantrums (i.e., we can stay 5 more minutes, but that's it and when I say we go, we go, no tears or complaints). I remember leave the two's thinking "that was not terrible at all", then came the tantrumy threes as I call them. This too shall pass.

KMV said...

I am just reading this or would have commented sooner. Yes, yes it was a terrible morning. But I know the "Bub" and he is more often a sweetie than not - we all know that, and I assured all the other onlookers from that morning that was the case. After you left and we went home b/c not one restaurant would deliver us lunch, I had 2 more pooping/shower/screaming incidents so it was one of those days for us too!

Sarah D said...

Totally been there, more than once. L threw a fit in the mall one time, she was screaming and thrashing around in the stroller. We had to get outta there. Then she would not get in the car seat, then she hit me square on the face and I don't know if I've ever been so mad!
And I think you did the right thing. When things get totally out of hand, sometimes you just have to leave. And (maybe?) next time they remember if I act like a crazy little person, I have to go home. (maybe it works this way, right!?)

 
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