Toot Pillows & Bronx Cheers

In yesterday's post about my auction haul, I neglected to mention that the As Seen on TV collection was not the only item our household secured in the silent auction. Before I had fully committed to securing the cart of crap at any cost, I bid on a box of crap from a local, kitschy toy store. The box of crap of was not expensive, and I thought Bub and Little Bit would get a kick out of it. Plus, I didn't want to come home empty-handed and wanted to buy/donate something, you know, for the kids.

The box of crap included mostly crap with the highlights being a NKOTB travel mug, a rubber snake, various figurines (Bart Simpson, Big Bird, Donald Duck), and--drum roll please--a Whoopee Cushion.

The pleasure that Bub has taken in the Whoopee Cushion has made the entire purchase of the box of crap worth it. Hubby showed him how to inflate it and then Bub would say, "Mom, come sit at your computer." I would gamely sit down, activate the cushion, and then enjoy Bub's uncontrollable laughter about my indelicacy. Or, I would be sitting on the couch and he would ask me to stand up, place the Whoopee Cushion oh-so-subtly beneath me, and then again enjoy the results. Or, he would inflate it, place it under a pillow, and then jump on the pillow, proudly exclaiming, "I tooted!" Squeals of laughter from Bub and Little Bit every time.

I have to mention that "toot" is our verb of choice for flatulence around here. I don't have a problem with the word "fart" really, except that my dad did not like my siblings and I to say "fart" when we were little (no idea why he objected to the word). Thus, to this day, I still feel a little bit guilty if I use the word "fart," almost as if it's a bad word. My dad wanted us to use the term "boomer," which is strange but better, I suppose, than my sister's friend's mom who encouraged her daughter to use the term "panty bubble." Ick.

Anyway, because we say "toot," Bub soon dubbed the Whoopee Cushion the "toot pillow" (and sometimes the "toot balloon") which I find to be accurate and adorable names.

Unfortunately, due to too much tooting, our toot pillow has sprung a leak and needs to be repaired before Bub can trick any new suspects (warning to Grandma and Grammy . . . he has plans for both of you!).

I don't know how you feel about tooting at your house or whether or not you're comfortable having your preschooler amuse himself with a toot pillow, but I have to say, it definitely has kept him entertained. I don't know how much a toot pillow sold separately from a box of crap is, but I imagine not much. Cheap thrills!

By the way, has anyone ever heard the phrase "Bronx cheer"? If you note in the photo above, the Whoopee Cushion's old-fashioned illustration shows a woman in an evening dress sitting upon a Whoopee Cushion. The drawing has lines to show motion and two air (panty?) bubbles with the word "Poo" in each. Really! Then, the tag line is, "When anyone sits down it emits a REAL Bronx cheer." I wonder what a fake Bronx cheer is.

So, Bronx cheer . . . anyone? anyone?

Four Words For You

Four words for you: AS SEEN ON TV.

Four more: EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT.

Last night was Bub's school fundraiser, a St. Patrick's Day-themed event with beer, bands, Irish dancers, raffles, live auction, and silent auction.

No beer for me and we weren't there in time for the Irish dancers so I had to focus my party energy on the silent auction.

I am happy to report that I "won" the best item in the entire field and by "won" I mean that I hovered and outbid others for the privilege of buying it. My treasure was actually the class donation from Bub's class: a collection of As Seen On TV merchandise. All the parents in Bub's class contributed different items for the collection (I personally donated Bumpits and Aqua Globes), and there was some entertaining email traffic about who was bringing what. I thought it was the perfect themed gift basket for the kind of event where people are drinking and bidding on stuff that they don't really need.

Hubby and I had joked about the As Seen on TV Collection in days leading up to the event. "You," he said laughing, "are not going to be bidding on that." Tee hee hee. Of course not.

But I knew I wanted it. And I am tired and fat and pregnant and nesting and my birthday is coming up. So, guess what, I got it. NTB. And I could not be more thrilled.

Check it out:

First of all, I want to point out that the cart came with it! NTB.

Now, I want you to get an up close look at everything my awesome prize included.

Wonder Hanger, ShamWow!, StrapPerfect, Bendaroos, HeelTastic, and KidzBop 17 . . . NTB

PedEgg, Big Top Cupcake, Bumpits, Snow Slinger, Chia SpongeBob . . . NTB.

Marshmallow Shooter, The Clapper, Original SpaceBag, Fun Slides Carpet Skates . . . NTB.

The Original Always Fresh Containers, Topsy Turvy Tomato Planter, Pasta n' More,
Turn Your Drink Can Into a Bottle! . . . NTB.

Snuggie and AquaGlobes . . . NTB.

I realize that this "cart of crap," as hubby has been calling it, is the last thing that a woman who's about to have three kids and is trying to keep her house clean and clutter free in the hopes of selling it . . . the last thing that a woman like that needs.

I'm so excited though. I feel like the ten year-old girl who begged her mom for a Super Snacker after watching the infomercial with rapt attention over and over: "Mom, you can make your own mini apples pies with the Super Snacker." I feel like the tween who used to play infomercial in her best friend's basement (sample line from us demo-ing an item called The Big Green Machine, "And the best part . . . your kids will love to clean it up!"). The grown woman who can still be drawn in by the Magic Bullet infomercial and who seriously wants to try the Bumpit.

Plus, there was the additional pleasure of watching hubby wheel the cart of crap out of the gym last night. There is no way for anyone over five feet tall to not look like a hunchback when pushing such a cart to begin with, which was amusing in itself. At least ten people stopped us on the way out to check out the contents of the cart. I'm sure some were thinking, "Suckers!" but I honestly think others were like, "Dang, that is kind of cool." Yep, it is.

And, wait, there's more! This gift also provides raw material for at least twenty blog posts because I am committed to reviewing each of these items for you, my loyal NTB readers. Don't worry, it won't be As Seen on TV day everyday, but I will be writing about the items from time to time until I've tested them all.

So, please stay tuned or, better yet, call now to take advantage of this special television offer.

Let me know in the comments what As Seen on TV items have intrigued you . . .

Gone But Not Forgotten

I rarely have the time, energy, or patience to commit to a watching an entire movie. I just don't. In my twenties, however, I watched movies all the times, often the same ones over and over. Sometimes I sat absorbed and attentive. Other times I used movies as the backdrop for crafting, hair curling, or treadmilling.

Last year, hubby and I weeded through a bunch of our VHS tapes and gave them away (whether anyone would/does want VHS tapes these days, I am unsure). If you asked me to name five titles that we gave away this time last year, I probably would struggle to come up with a list. A sign that we were ready to part with those movies. But, we were both unable to relinquish a few of our very favorites.

In this year's efforts to clean and declutter and in acknowledgment of the fact that we don't have a working VCR hooked up anywhere in our home, we decided that it was time to give away the entire VHS collection, including the very favorites . . . every tape except the one labeled "Badin JV vs. Purcell," which happens to have our wedding recorded upon it.

I feel okay with the decision because I know that probably all of these movies are available on DVD should I ever wish to own them again. Plus, I imagine that in another couple of years, it will be possible to order up any movie that exists for immediate viewing on one's television or computer. Maybe that's possible now?

However, like the pack rat and sentimental sap that I am at heart, I decided that I could part with my last bunch of VHS tapes much more easily if I first documented what I had. I wasn't worried that I would forget how much I love Four Weddings and a Funeral, When Harry Met Sally, or While You Were Sleeping, but I was slightly uneasy that I might forget a lesser-known treasure like Pure Country (starring George Strait!), Sliding Doors (for Gwyneth's awesome haircut alone), or Shag. What if I forgot about Shag and never got to watch it with Sweet P? Unthinkable.

And, so in the interest of posterity and as a means of offering a glimpse into the person I was in my twenties and maybe still I am, I offer this glimpse of some of my favorites.

The Rockies belong to hubby.

What about you? Do you still have VHS tapes? What were/are your over-and-over movies?

All Thumbs Thursday

Thumbs Up
* Girl Scout Cookies, enjoyed in moderation (I don't typically endorse snack food moderation, but I made myself sick eating samoas earlier this week)

* Einstein's Bagels -- it's my go-to place when I have a little time to myself and need a bite, love the bagels and the fountain Diet Cokes

* Sunshine!

* doing pink laundry (see above)

* Jim and Pam are having a baby -- tonight!!!!!!

* Hubby not traveling at all this week (except for day trip tomorrow) and his helping with Bub's school drop-off the past two mornings

* newly-0pened Qdoba with parking -- not yet sure how it stacks up against Chipotle in the grand scheme, but I am loving the variety of sauces so far!

* Bub's school fundraiser tomorrow night -- I love that it is nothing fancy--no ballrooms rented, no fancy duds, no banquet food--just school gym, draft beer, jeans . . . rocking it Old School Catholic School style.

* Blogtrotting -- check it out if you haven' t yet!

* Amazon customer service. I found cracks in my Kindle (due to defective cover, they told me), and the friendliest man ever arranged to send me a brand new one and a credit to get a new cover. And, would you believe, the new covers come in pink!!!! It only took minutes and I was never made to feel as if I did anything wrong (which I didn't, but still)

Thumbs Down
* getting less sleep than I need and want

* having the phrase "I have nothing to wear" become more and more true each day

* the fact that despite a new battery and power cord, my MacBook now loses power immediately if the power cord becomes disconnected (Dear Apple: Please read above note about Amazon)

* Kate Gosselin's hair extensions

* the fact that Kate Gosselin is doing Dancing With the Stars (I know I shouldn't be judging, but I am and don't think it's the best choice for a more-or-less single mother of eight smallish children)

* feeling pressure to cook a particular meal that no longer sounds good since you have purchased the perishable ingredients -- shredded barbecue chicken sammies and coleslaw, here we come, thanks to the buns and cole slaw mix already procured.

What are you all thumbs over this Thursday? Share in the comments or blog about your own list (include link in comments so others can visit).

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning

I think Little Bit knows that something is up. He knows that mommy's big belly is good for resting his head upon and that if someone says "baby" that's a cue to lift mommy's shirt and either slobber kiss or pound upon her belly. I'm trying to figure out what he knows versus what he understands.

And no, I don't think he understands just how life around here is going to change so dramatically, but I swear it's like he senses--like the smart little booger he is, NTB--that his days as the baby of the clan are numbered and is thus hellbent on getting as much attention and affection as possible . . . at least that's my explanation for his new tendency to cling, whine, beg to be picked up, and drive us mad at night.

I feel for him, I really do. It must be scary to see your mom's belly swell, odd to notice her grunt and sigh each time she has to bend over or stand up, annoying to have to wiggle around a big blob to get comfortable while she rocks you to sleep, and frustrating that she is too tired to play as much as you would like.

I'm doing the best I can, trying to give Little Bit as much love and attention and assurance as I can, especially in the hours we spend together while Bub is at school.

But it is dang hard when I am tired, not just from being pregnant but from having Little Bit spend hours every night standing in his crib and whining, "Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama . . . " over and over and over again.

"Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama . . ." Hours and hours.

Hubby and I are at a loss. We take turns rocking him, and he soothes pretty easily and falls right asleep. The moment we put him back down in his bed though it's back to "Mama, Mama, Mama . . ." So then we'll bring him into bed with us. It doesn't take him long to locate a position that is comfortable for him but oppressive for one of us and he's snoring. If we try to move him back to his crib (once he starts kicking or one of us is about to fall out of bed), it's back to "Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama . . ."

If we're fairly confident our kids are not wet, dirty, hungry, or in pain, hubby and I don't have a problem with letting them figure it out. If we've done all we can and know one of our kids is truly tired, we'll let them work it out, cry it out even. And the crying never lasts all that long.

But "Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama . . ." can seemingly last all night.

And there is something about pleas of "Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama . . ." that is difficult to ignore. And so, we've just been alternating with the rocking and the co-sleeping and the sitting downstairs on the couch with Little Bit asleep on dad's shoulder.

And we're tired and our backs are sore. And we're trying not to think about what we'll do if this kind of behavior continues a month from now when there's also a baby waking every couple of hours.

Does anyone have some wisdom to offer here? Advice? Miracle cures? Words of comfort? Any similar stories of toddlers acting oddly in conjunction with the imminent arrival of a new baby?

Please share if you do. I'd love a good night's sleep so I can be fresh for Little Bit, in so many ways still my baby, in the morning.

Happy Tape and Happy Talk

March Gladness continues!

Happy Tape!
A few days ago, I was flipping through a magazine when I saw a little blurb on a Japanese product called Happy Tape. Basically, Happy Tape is this really cool, printed masking tape that you can use as regular old tape or in a variety of craft projects. The magazine suggested using the tape to fancy up a plain white lamp or lampshade. My nesting-stage fingers are literally itching to order some Happy Tape and start crafting, but I am telling myself that that project can wait until we (hopefully) move into a new house and have some new decor to think about.

Until then, I will continue to visit the Happy Tape website and dream and the Happy Tape blog where there are tons of ideas for how Happy Tape can be used. Check it out! [Unnecessary Disclaimer: I am not being paid in any way, shape, or form to pimp Happy Tape. I just saw the blurb, wanted the stuff, and wanted to share it with you because thinking about Happy Tape really makes me feel, well, happy.]

Happy Talk!
Lauren Graham's long-awaited return to television happens tonight with the premiere of Parenthood. It's on 10/9 central on NBC (right after The Biggest Loser). Set your DVR! [Unnecessary Disclaimer #2: I am also not on the payroll at NBC.]

That's all for now. Will you be checking out Parenthood? What would you do with Happy Tape?

March Gladness

So February kind of sucked for me. Sure, it could have been worse, but it was a blur of cleaning and decluttering, of long days stuck inside due to crap weather, of hubby traveling, of more cleaning, of many stressful and anxious thoughts about trying to sell our house, of quite a few MEP-hosted pity parties, and several bottomed-out-crying-fit-woe-is-me breakdowns. On the positive side, I did see a little bit of sun for a few days in Florida . . . before we all got a nasty stomach bug. And I did see all of my siblings and my parents over the weekend as we surprised my mom for her 60th birthday.

And guess what, now it's March! It's March! It's March! It's March! March is my very favorite month, first and foremost because my birthday is in March. Second because I think the air outside smells different and better in March. Third because March is just such a hopeful month. I like the starting fresh/new year/good intentions vibe of January, but then in February I just tend to feel worn down and in a rut. Once March comes, there is at least the hope of spring. Sure, spring probably won't arrive in Chicago until late May, but in March you don't feel crazy for hoping! Plus, I like St. Patrick's Day and March Madness. I like the fundraiser at Bub's school. I like that there will surely be a few days when I can walk outside in just a fleece (not that I have any fleeces that I could zip over the ginormous belly right about now).

Sure, much of the uncertainty that plagued me in February remains. I don't know when our house will sell. I don't know how I will manage three kids. I am doing a decent job keeping the house clean for now, but don't know if I can keep it up. But, since it's March, I feel more confident that I can handle whatever comes my way. I feel relatively calm and hopeful, and it feels great.

So, in honor of my favorite month, I'm going to try out a new endeavor: March Gladness! March Gladness involves trying to be as positive, hopeful, and calm as possible and trying to post every day here at NTB because blogging makes me happy.

Stay tuned please and tell me, what's your favorite month? Does March have any special meaning to you?